Friday, October 3, 2014
NFP: Catholic Style!
So I haven't posted in a while and that's at least partially because my G. nap/me time has been taken over by my latest obsession: the NFP: Catholic Style! Facebook group. I'm SO happy to have a place where I can share that part of my life with someone besides N.! I have not, unfortunately, been blessed with other NFP practicing friends in real life and it's such a blessing to have found this community online. It gives me an opportunity both to get some feedback for myself and also to be able to share some of my accumulated knowledge to help others. I've realized lately that I'm missing a little bit of the "useful" feeling I had when I was working. Obviously I feel useful to G. and N. but it's not quite the same somehow. More on that another day but for now, if you're NFPing and on Facebook. Check it out!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Surrender
Over the weekend N. took G. out for an oh-so-very-much needed daddy/daughter date. They went to campus and fed the ducks, she ran around on the quad, much fun was had by all (especially mommy who was sans G. for the first time in 22 days). At the end of their outing N. had the misfortune of experiencing one of G.'s more significant car seat related meltdowns which are typically reserved for me. She doesn't actually hate her car seat or riding in the car at all and is perfectly happy once she's been strapped down. What she hates is the moment when we transition from climbing into the backseat and moving around her car-safe toys to actually beginning to restrain her. She hates to surrender. She's been a feisty, strong willed personality from the very beginning and we absolutely cherish her spirit but moments like these challenge us as parents. How do we help her recognize when it is appropriate and safe and healthy to surrender? N. and I had a good laugh over this one because we both know it's all me. There is nothing I hate more than to surrender, too. I was quick to make the point that it must be an innate characteristic since she surely didn't learn it from me by 14 months and so maybe he could cut me some slack?? Really, though, this has been at the heart of all of the struggles in my faith life and in my marriage as far back as I can remember. There are two wills to which I would like to submit myself on a regular basis and in neither relationship does it come easily. The good news is that the very best thing I can do for G. is to model the behavior myself, to talk about the struggle, the beliefs that make me want to surrender and why it feels meaningful when I do. As for me, continued prayers and conversations and availing myself of the sacraments make it a little easier to unhook from my pride, take a deep breath, and choose let go. And I know the more I do, the more she will and, without breaking her spirit, I suspect the battles will slowly subside. I also bought a box of animal crackers to keep stashed in the backseat ;)
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
When is "enough" enough?
When we moved to IN almost 8 months ago we planned to buy a house just as soon as we sold our condo in Chicagoland. It was thrilling to think about turning our 2 bed/1 bath walk up with one exterior parking space into something "big enough" for our growing family. Well the condo sold in May and here we are still house hunting as the summer draws to a close. We put an offer on a big, beautiful, older house a couple of months ago but we eventually decided to cancel the deal after some issues came up post-inspection and we realized the house and purchase price really were too good to be true. Truth be told though, I think N. and I were both a little relieved after the fact when it became clear the house would never be ours. One of its best selling features was a completely remodeled gourmet kitchen. My dad once referred to it as "a near occasion for sin" which we all chuckled about at the time. In retrospect, though, I think he was spot on with that assessment. You see, we came here hoping for a simple life and, while the Chicago dollars we have from the sale of our condo will go much further here, we simply don't need a gourmet kitchen. I am definitely not a gourmet cook and, while it would be nifty to have built in heat lamps in the range hood since I'm terrible about finishing multiple elements of a meal at the same time, it's definitely a luxury well outside our family's needs. And for me "luxury well outside my family's needs" roughly translates to "opportunity to post a photo on Facebook to make myself feel better about myself" which roughly translates to "bless me, Father, for I have sinned..."
That brings me to the biggest struggle we've been having when trying to shop for a home: deciding how much is really "enough" for our family and our lifestyle... especially when the size of our family is so very much an open ended kind of thing! Right now it's clear that our rental apartment is too small for us. We can't make it as safe as we'd like for G. because there is literally nowhere else to put, for example, our desk and filing cabinet (cords! cables! paper shredder!) which are next to our dining table in the not-so-great room or the sharp cornered guest bed that is 2.5 feet from the crib she opts not to sleep in anyway. How much space, then, makes a house big enough? We think 3 bed/2 bath sounds reasonable for our family at whatever size the Lord appoints. That would give us a master plus two bedrooms for kiddos as girls and boys or bigs and littles sharing seems just fine to us. Then again my parents come to visit from out-of-town about once a month and usually stay for several nights at a time. When N.'s family comes they typically visit for about a week. During football season there are all sorts of friends coming and going. With all those needs in mind it seems prudent to aim for four bedrooms so we can have a dedicated guest space that allows for sufficient privacy and breathing room for our tribe of introverts. Then there's the question of age. Older homes tend to win the battles of both charm and price. I think they're quaint and homey so long as the price means I can, you know, rip out a kitchen or a bathroom or both if need be. Not that I see the need to demo a perfectly good room but I do want the spaces to function sufficiently and I do tend to get the heebies when stuff doesn't seem reasonably clean and fresh-ish. Then I start to think that's just vanity and I should suck it up and get something cheap and ugly and just work with it because it feels noble and I often get confused (read: agonize) over the difference between being simple and being unreasonably ascetic. And of course older homes are more likely to have hidden dangers lurking in the walls like asbestos and lead paint and may need new wiring and all that jazz. Then again a lot of the newer homes at our price point are located near cell phone towers and high voltage power lines which make me uncomfortable. Then there are the kind-of-old homes that don't need new kitchens by my standards but will surely need new roofs and may still need new kitchens before they can be resold at some time TBD and are probably still going to be a stretch on the budget as is. The back and forth just keeps looping through my mind. Every time I see a new listing I think it offers some clarity but it never really does.
So... what to do? What to do? Pray. Yes, I know. I know. And I do. Still, I keep asking myself how it all plays out though. How exactly does God reveal His housing plan for you, to you? The voice of doubt creeps in and says God's got bigger fish to fry than which house we get. Hello, first world problems! Or the opposite, I start insisting it will be like the closing scene from Miracle on 34th Street where the little girl shouts "pull over! pull over" and the happy couple walks into the house they realize has been selected just for them without even thinking about it. For now I will just keep praying, asking others for prayers, and bit by bit seeking to accurately discern the size, the kitchen finishes, the neighborhood, blah blah blah... trusting all the while that God is good and we will know how much is enough when we see it.
That brings me to the biggest struggle we've been having when trying to shop for a home: deciding how much is really "enough" for our family and our lifestyle... especially when the size of our family is so very much an open ended kind of thing! Right now it's clear that our rental apartment is too small for us. We can't make it as safe as we'd like for G. because there is literally nowhere else to put, for example, our desk and filing cabinet (cords! cables! paper shredder!) which are next to our dining table in the not-so-great room or the sharp cornered guest bed that is 2.5 feet from the crib she opts not to sleep in anyway. How much space, then, makes a house big enough? We think 3 bed/2 bath sounds reasonable for our family at whatever size the Lord appoints. That would give us a master plus two bedrooms for kiddos as girls and boys or bigs and littles sharing seems just fine to us. Then again my parents come to visit from out-of-town about once a month and usually stay for several nights at a time. When N.'s family comes they typically visit for about a week. During football season there are all sorts of friends coming and going. With all those needs in mind it seems prudent to aim for four bedrooms so we can have a dedicated guest space that allows for sufficient privacy and breathing room for our tribe of introverts. Then there's the question of age. Older homes tend to win the battles of both charm and price. I think they're quaint and homey so long as the price means I can, you know, rip out a kitchen or a bathroom or both if need be. Not that I see the need to demo a perfectly good room but I do want the spaces to function sufficiently and I do tend to get the heebies when stuff doesn't seem reasonably clean and fresh-ish. Then I start to think that's just vanity and I should suck it up and get something cheap and ugly and just work with it because it feels noble and I often get confused (read: agonize) over the difference between being simple and being unreasonably ascetic. And of course older homes are more likely to have hidden dangers lurking in the walls like asbestos and lead paint and may need new wiring and all that jazz. Then again a lot of the newer homes at our price point are located near cell phone towers and high voltage power lines which make me uncomfortable. Then there are the kind-of-old homes that don't need new kitchens by my standards but will surely need new roofs and may still need new kitchens before they can be resold at some time TBD and are probably still going to be a stretch on the budget as is. The back and forth just keeps looping through my mind. Every time I see a new listing I think it offers some clarity but it never really does.
So... what to do? What to do? Pray. Yes, I know. I know. And I do. Still, I keep asking myself how it all plays out though. How exactly does God reveal His housing plan for you, to you? The voice of doubt creeps in and says God's got bigger fish to fry than which house we get. Hello, first world problems! Or the opposite, I start insisting it will be like the closing scene from Miracle on 34th Street where the little girl shouts "pull over! pull over" and the happy couple walks into the house they realize has been selected just for them without even thinking about it. For now I will just keep praying, asking others for prayers, and bit by bit seeking to accurately discern the size, the kitchen finishes, the neighborhood, blah blah blah... trusting all the while that God is good and we will know how much is enough when we see it.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
A very short introduction...
A very short introduction to my little life...
I grew up in rural Ohio, the second child and only daughter of two of my very favorite people. My dad worked in law enforcement and, when I was 21, was ordained a permanent deacon in the Catholic church. My mom left her job when my brother was born and mostly stayed home with us until I started junior high. It was a quiet life filled with love and sports practices. After high school I was incredibly blessed to spend four years at Saint Mary's College where I studied psychology and Christian scripture, met my very best friends, fell madly in love with my Domer husband, N., and drank a lot of cheap beer. After graduation I worked for several months as a counselor at a local life affirming crisis pregnancy center before heading off to Marquette to complete a Master's in Community Counseling. Three days after finishing my coursework in May 2008 N. and I were married. We settled in the Chicago area to start our life together and then came the highs and lows of under/unemployment for me and lots of work travel for N. which lead him back to graduate school and into a totally different career. I eventually landed the job of my dreams as a Cognitive Behavioral psychotherapist. I spent my days (and nights) doing mindfulness practices and exposure therapies with adults and kids with severe anxiety and depression. It was incredibly rewarding and incredibly exhausting. N. was loving his new career but worked long hours and had a lengthy daily commute. We typically saw one another for about 45 in the evening and were too fried to do much besides binge watch our DVR. We had a tiny fourth floor walk up condo with big windows. I averaged two meals a day at Starbucks.When we welcomed our daughter in July 2013 it quickly became apparent that it was time for a change. I decided to leave the practice and my career and N. took a job at a startup just off the Notre Dame campus. We moved to northern Indiana to create a more simple life for ourselves and our family. This is the story of my attempt to cultivate an authentic Catholic life and discover myself as a wife and mother. Thanks for joining me!
Fun Facts:
C: loves Notre Dame football, orthodoxy, beer, car seat safety, reading binges, and mindfulness even though my practice as of late is rare bordering on nonexistent.
N: is from the Southwest, loves running, has a blue belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, plays numerous instruments, does a perfect impersonation of Luigi from Mario Brothers, and is generally accepting of my obsessive/control freak nature.
G: is a joyful and spirited toddler who won't sleep without me, doesn't hold still, loves to wear "accessories" around the house, and likes to shut herself in her room to look at board books without interruption.
I grew up in rural Ohio, the second child and only daughter of two of my very favorite people. My dad worked in law enforcement and, when I was 21, was ordained a permanent deacon in the Catholic church. My mom left her job when my brother was born and mostly stayed home with us until I started junior high. It was a quiet life filled with love and sports practices. After high school I was incredibly blessed to spend four years at Saint Mary's College where I studied psychology and Christian scripture, met my very best friends, fell madly in love with my Domer husband, N., and drank a lot of cheap beer. After graduation I worked for several months as a counselor at a local life affirming crisis pregnancy center before heading off to Marquette to complete a Master's in Community Counseling. Three days after finishing my coursework in May 2008 N. and I were married. We settled in the Chicago area to start our life together and then came the highs and lows of under/unemployment for me and lots of work travel for N. which lead him back to graduate school and into a totally different career. I eventually landed the job of my dreams as a Cognitive Behavioral psychotherapist. I spent my days (and nights) doing mindfulness practices and exposure therapies with adults and kids with severe anxiety and depression. It was incredibly rewarding and incredibly exhausting. N. was loving his new career but worked long hours and had a lengthy daily commute. We typically saw one another for about 45 in the evening and were too fried to do much besides binge watch our DVR. We had a tiny fourth floor walk up condo with big windows. I averaged two meals a day at Starbucks.When we welcomed our daughter in July 2013 it quickly became apparent that it was time for a change. I decided to leave the practice and my career and N. took a job at a startup just off the Notre Dame campus. We moved to northern Indiana to create a more simple life for ourselves and our family. This is the story of my attempt to cultivate an authentic Catholic life and discover myself as a wife and mother. Thanks for joining me!
Fun Facts:
C: loves Notre Dame football, orthodoxy, beer, car seat safety, reading binges, and mindfulness even though my practice as of late is rare bordering on nonexistent.
N: is from the Southwest, loves running, has a blue belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, plays numerous instruments, does a perfect impersonation of Luigi from Mario Brothers, and is generally accepting of my obsessive/control freak nature.
G: is a joyful and spirited toddler who won't sleep without me, doesn't hold still, loves to wear "accessories" around the house, and likes to shut herself in her room to look at board books without interruption.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Today must be the day
I've been thinking of launching this blog off and on for over a year now and apparently today is the day the Spirit finally moved me to do it. I'm both excited and nervous to begin this adventure. It feels so very vulnerable to consider hitting that "publish" button for the first time. I'm not sure quite what has compelled me to join the Catholic mom blogger ranks except that I find great comfort in reading what others share and I am yearning for a greater sense of community. I hope I'm able to join more fully into this community and enrich it in some small way by sharing my story. Thanks for joining me here.
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